I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
