What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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