Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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