Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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