So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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