He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
