I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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