What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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