I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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