man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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