Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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