My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
