Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
