I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
