so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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