I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
