dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
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His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
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