Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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