I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
