the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I still have a little drunk in my system
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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