Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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