im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
