Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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