We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
