This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
