the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Randomize
