If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
