Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
