Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
