I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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