would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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