You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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