The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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