Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
