Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
