there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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