i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
