I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
