When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My cat gives me a boner
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
