I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
