either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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