I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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