Quick, to the slutcave!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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