I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
