I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
