I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
