He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize