tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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