Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
