I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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