I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Floor bacon is actually really good
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
