i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize