question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
