she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
