I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
