Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
