you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
