I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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