thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
