The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
