Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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