KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
