i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
