She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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