At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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