we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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