i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
