I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
