I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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