I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
