Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
