All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
