I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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