I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
