she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
