haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize