sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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