You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
