I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
