hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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