Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
