i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize