The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
