i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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