Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
