I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am midnight drunk by noon
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
