I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
