The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
