im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
should my penis look like a turkey
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
