i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
