he told me I talked like a deaf person
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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