You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
