Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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