she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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