remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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