i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
