Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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